You Can’t Control the Outcome (But That Might Be the Point)

I really wanted to go to Thailand.

Not in a vague, “that would be nice one day” kind of way, but in a this matters to me kind of way.

I’d been studying online for my 300-hour yoga teacher training, and I was loving it. There was something nice about doing it at your own pace and being able to pause, rewind, and rewatch lectures and practices.

But I’d done my 200-hour in person, back in Singapore and really loved that too! There was something magical, transformational even, about spending twenty-six days completely immersed in a yoga bubble and being doused daily with a fire hose of yogic knowledge.

I know this may sound trite, but the experience changed my life.

And my desire to return to Thailand for the in-person part of my 300-hour training was partly because I wanted to experience that feeling again.
I also wanted to return to South East Asia, a part of the world close to my heart, having spent 6 months travelling across the region after law school and having left my life in Singapore five years prior.

This trip felt important. Like a calling back to a place I knew, a place where I could find space to reconnect and recalibrate following an intense period of change.

But… I couldn’t quite see how it would happen.

Trying to figure it out

So I did what most of us do.

I tried to figure it out.

I looked at flights.
I looked at dates.
I looked at finances.

I ran the numbers.
Played out different scenarios in my head.

And every time I tried to make it work, something didn’t quite land.

Too expensive.
Too busy.
Too many moving parts.

And slowly, without really noticing it, I let it go. I was still lightly holding on to the dream, but with little expectation of it becoming a reality.

Not because I didn’t care.
But because I knew I'd done all that I could, it was now time to trust the process.

The shift

Nothing changed externally.

No sudden windfall.
No perfect window opening up.

But something shifted internally.

I stopped trying to control how it would happen and focused on what felt right in front of me.

I kept showing up to the training, kept learning, kept leaning in, taking actions I could control (like, completing the training) without expecting an outcome I couldn't control (flying to Thailand).

I did what I could do and stopped sweating what I couldn't.

A lesson from the Gita

There’s a line in the Bhagavad Gita that says:

You have a right to your actions, but not to the fruits of your actions.

For a long time, I misunderstood that.

I thought it meant:
“Don’t care about the outcome.”

Which, let’s be honest as much as we might try to, isn’t realistic.

Of course you're going to care.
Of course, you want things to work out.

But that’s not what the verse is pointing to.

What it actually means

What I’ve come to understand from returning to the Gita over the years is this:

You’re responsible for the action. Not the outcome of your actions.

You can control the effort you exert, the intention you apply, and the direction you choose to travel in.

But you can’t control how what (or where) your actions ultimately lead to.

And the more tightly you grip onto the outcome, the end goal, the harder it becomes to take the actions you need to take. Why?

Because what happens is when you're so fixated on the outcome, the fear of making a wrong step or taking a wrong action, can render you frozen with fear of failure.

Where we get stuck

This is where I see so many people, students, clients, and even myself, get stuck.

We wait until we’re sure it will work.

We wait until we can see the whole path.

We wait until the risk disappears.

And in doing that… we don’t move at all.

Most of the things that matter to us in life, the things we truly want, don’t come with guarantees. There is no certainty that if we do X we'll get Y. Life simply isn't linear.

What changed for me

When I learned this and stopped needing certainty, something opened up.

Not overnight.
Not dramatically.

But gradually.

Opportunities appeared.
Conversations happened.
Things started to align in ways I couldn’t have planned.

And eventually… I found myself on a plane to Thailand.

Not because I forced it.
But because I kept taking the next step without needing to know where it would lead and trusted the process would play out as the universe intended.

A different way to approach it

So instead of asking:

“Will this work out?”

Try asking:

“Is this mine to do?”

Does this feel aligned?
Does it feel true?
Does it feel like a step worth taking, even if nothing comes of it?

If the answer is yes…

Take the step.

Do the thing.

Show up.

And then — this is the hardest part — let go of needing it to go a certain way. Create your perfectly planned blueprint if you want to, but be prepared to rip it up, throw it in the trash, and pivot when you need to.

Because here’s the truth

As I said in my first book, clarity doesn’t always come before action.

More often than not… clarity comes through action. It's fine to take the time to ponder, think, and meditate on where you want to go, what you want to achieve, but you won't know if that thing is really for you until you start to take action towards that goal, without expectation.

So, if you’re feeling stuck right now, unsure what to do next, remember you don’t need the whole plan. You only need to take the next step.

So, take it, without expectation, just because it feels like the most natural thing for you to do in that moment.

You may be pleasantly surprised where it takes you.